@Darylch: Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning.
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@Sarcasmo718: When I'm sad I drive over to Keanu Reeve's house and watch him check the mailbox for scripts.
@oxygenplug: if you ever wanna impress a girl just bring a baby on your date and then basically just outperform the baby at everything it's really easy
@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "Can you explain this gap in your résumé?" Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."