@Gre_Gone: [loudly in front of a bunch of ducks] "OH NO I SEEM TO HAVE BROUGHT TOO MUCH BREAD WITH ME WHATEVER SHALL I DO?" *ducks try to play it cool*
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@Reverend_Scott: [landlord walks in apartment] "I told you no pets!" That's a stray gerbil. "And those fish??" ...stray fish. SHOO FISH, SCRAM
@ashleyaustrew: Me: I do f-ing everything around here! I'm sick of it! Family: *tries to help* Me: That's not...what are you...no...wrong...LET ME DO IT
@SteveDutzy: Give a man a fish and he'll go to McDonald's instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald's
@AGreaterMonster: My mom sent me a two paragraph email to inform me that she had called customer service and received $17 off her flight to see me.