@HuffPostComedy: Louis C.K. perfectly sums up Boston accents in his new special 'Live At The Comedy Store'
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@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
@BigRadMachine: Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?
@Ygrene: [On the phone with the police for the 7th time in 2 weeks] "Sir, again, we cannot arrest your cat"