@tarashoe: love how during intense moments in space-themed movies they'll show the dashboard panels, as though you'll be like ah. ah i see the issue
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@Tommytoughstuff: Dating tip: don't mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin.
@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
@partlyfunny: My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.
@ItMightBeJim: Meets girl at bar. Takes her to Ikea. Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand.