@iGreenMonk: Love is a battlefield. And I fight naked.
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@ComedyAndTruth: Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: "Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss."
@NewDadNotes: *cat rubs against genie lamp* G: you get one wish Cat:*makes eye contact & slowly pushes lamp off table* G: guess who just wished for a dog
@QwertyJones3: Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I just want a girl who gets at least 100 likes on every selfie.
@usermcuserface: Tonight we dine in hell! (Dies in battle) Hi, Take a seat in the booth with the 3 vegans. Your beets and kale will be out soon. Oh shit...