@green_babe_: Love is like a unicorn. I don't have a unicorn.
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@david8hughes: [calls 911] Me: my wife's been bitten by a snake Operator: ok, suck the poison out Me [whispering]: dude there'll be nothing left of her
@captainkalvis: Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster
@catcerveny: Me: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. H: You do realize I'm your husband, right?