@SamuelHLowe: Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
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@ladybroseph: Boy, are you a yellow sports car because I am embarrassed to be seen with you but I am very pleased with your performance.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.
@Karissajem: Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*
@BisHilarious: One time I stayed in a relationship three months longer than I should've because the person had a flattering mirror in their apartment