@Reverend_Scott: Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone that makes you forget about all of your problems cuz they're causing all new problems.
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@OutOfLeftField_: Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He's not ill, just really crap in bed.
@pauleggleston: I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming.
@_Mo_lee_: Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we'll let you go Bad Batman: Ben Affleck
@StevieKnip: Me: I hit the ejector seat and sent her through the roof by accident Cop: you're under arrest. I'm taking you to jail Me: let's take my car