@Reverend_Scott: Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone that makes you forget about all of your problems cuz they're causing all new problems.
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@Sirrruh: Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo.
@ParentNormal: Made a pact w/ my wife that if we’re 40 & kids haven’t stopped whining, we’ll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can’t find us
@drunktweets81: My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it.