@RidiculousSheri: Love means never having to say you're sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats.
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@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
@stephenjmolloy: Undertaker: "What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?" Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency "Please help, I made too much spaghetti" Relax sir, we've all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*