@Mulva74: Love so rare, you can still hear it moo.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?
@fro_vo: Cop: i told you this land is off limits Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits Cop: wtf are flimits Me: idk let's go look Cop: ok
@darkmatter_wimp: Satan: "I'm gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!" God: "I'm gonna make them all kill each other because of me." Satan: "Dude..."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Ben Carson makes stuff up" said Donald Trump, self-proclaimed zillionaire, demigod and unicorn owner.