@That_Damn_Duck: Lovey dovey couples look best when viewed through the scope of a high powered rifle.
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@Jandalize: Saw a teen couple buying condoms in the pharmacy so I let my grandbaby run around their feet & whispered 'that's the brand my daughter used'
@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral
@NickAmadeus: I'm so sick of unexpected character deaths for shock value. This is a terrible pilates video.
@iGreenMonk: "Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really - I spill most of it!"