@That_Damn_Duck: Lovey dovey couples look best when viewed through the scope of a high powered rifle.
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@PaperWash: If your online dating profile says "I don't have sex on the first date" then that's why you're on a dating website.
@joeldanger: Oh hey, sorry I accidentally rolled out of your bed, across your floor, down the stairs, out the door, into my car and back in my own bed.
@MariyaAlexander: Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they're faux lesbian. I don't believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they're farm-raised.
@LuckoftheDraw86: *hands you baby* Here's your Christmas present I got it at the mall but it didn't come with a gift receipt & people may be looking for it.