@mrkoodge: *lowers car suspension to look more gangster*
*takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*
@WillMckenzieNot: Poking holes in your parents condoms so there's someone else to do the dishes
@davidharvey: Get off my lawn, Pokemon Go edition
@Elizasoul80: [alien taking notes]
Humans: Reluctant to common sense gun control, yet somehow completely overreactive when approached by a bee.
@FaisalAdam_: Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy.
@TravLeBlanc: I'm jealous of how many friends the people on Intervention have.