@Bluestmoon_: Luckily, children are much easier to keep alive than house plants.
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@Momtoteens: If you don’t wear a body wallet to bed with all your cash in it, you aren’t really raising teens.
@JDBooie: My girlfriend knows every single important date in our relationship history and I know she hates olives. She loves olives? Something olives.
@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
@SSgtTommyD: My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.