@Bluestmoon_: Luckily, children are much easier to keep alive than house plants.
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@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
@theshantilly: *glamorously folds laundry *seductively wipes off countertops *slowly bends over to pick up toys *sexily trips over the cat...
@Reverend_Scott: How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex
@Jennuflect: *wakes up w/phone in hand* Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night *text chime* Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?