@TheDairylandDon: Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin' to Do.
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@Piecezilla: My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
@dubstep4dads: Imagine you're about to have surgery and right before the anesthesia kicks in you notice a "University of Phoenix" degree on the wall