@noogscorner: Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way.
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@AnOrangeSNES: *Lowers thermostat* *Dad puts it back* *Lowers thermostat again* *Dad puts it back again* The real Cold War
@TwoSapphiresBlu: During pelvic exam: Dr.: Your cervix is very high. Me: OMG, weed affects your cervix too?!
@KenJennings: Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.
@midnightwhale: [walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-