@noogscorner: Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way.
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@ilovepie84: Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was "you won't find a better job or respect in my pockets"
@thejamietighe: Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE? Neighbour: Get out of my house! Me: You're not even guessing.
@SteveKoehler22: Fiber Monday is a great idea... but is once a year often enough ? Oh....it's Cyber Monday ? Never mind.
@BallsMcBallski: My boss: Are you on Twitter? Me: I've never heard of it. Is it a drug? Why would you ask? Am I acting funny? Maybe you're acting funny.