@rickolantern: Luke is so old now he just uses the Force to keep the neighborhood kids off his lawn
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@badbanana: Since they won't vote anyway, Obama should make the GOP look bad by nominating a bald eagle holding a picture of Jesus to the Supreme Court.
@WhatevaConc: Before saying anything like "you have really soft hands for a man", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man.
@zachreinert03: As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment
@Phook75: FACT: If you can trick a British person into saying "fortnight" they have to become your butler.