@seamussaid: Lunchables™? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna
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@GrantTanaka: me: [tells joke] son: I don't get it me: well ur mom told me a joke once and it took me 9 months to get it
@Home_Halfway: DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person? ME: *gets really close to the date & whispers* I'm just a person, what bullshit question is this
@Ristolable: "Do you ever get the feeling Mitch is an undercover cop?" [MITCH enters] MITCH: Hey guys! *speaking into shirt collar* I brought the drugs
@OnlyFastEddie: I get really freakin pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of questions. So no... the job interview didn't go very well.