@gobmentcheese: Lying dead in a closed coffin at my funeral, and yet somehow I still manage to spill mustard on my shirt.
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@Go2Slp: "Oh, beautiful. Just perfect. I wonder if I'll be able to control myself... aaaand they're gone." - Me with Thin Mints, and women.
@noneofyours99: That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first.
@markedly: Me: Thanks Cashier: No, thank YOU Me: ...if this is a thank you-off, you better buckle the hell up
@SortaBad: Glad my car insurance company requires a 10 character password to log-in. Wouldn't want someone to hack in and...pay my insurance bill