@nataliejmooney: lying on the floor with my mouth open just in case someone breaks in and decides to grate a bunch of cheese in there
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@AmericanGent69: Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes.
@Carbosly: Dear movies, We'll never be upset to the point of throwing expensive jewelry at the bottom of the ocean. Never. Sincerely, Women
@KeyLimeShy: Me *at my office*: “Do you need someplace to put that out?” Client: “I’m not smoking.” Me: “No, I meant your kid.”