@nataliejmooney: lying on the floor with my mouth open just in case someone breaks in and decides to grate a bunch of cheese in there
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@dshack8: Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them.
@PetrickSara: My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming "I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"
@NotARatsAss: My night was going great until a neighbor flew their drone over my property. So I grabbed my shotgun and yelled, "Pull!"