@Brianhopecomedy: Lying on the hammock while my wife does yard work. Don't know exactly what she's planting but the hole she dug is slightly bigger than me.
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@TheSchnizzy: Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??
@texasstalkermom: That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.
@GoldenSpirals: He told me I was the "bee's knees". I believe I merit being compared to something more like a lemur's femur. Who doesn't love Zoboomafoo?