@Brianhopecomedy: Lying on the hammock while my wife does yard work. Don't know exactly what she's planting but the hole she dug is slightly bigger than me.
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@novicefather: [1st ppl to go camping] wife: what do u wanna do this week? hubs: luxury cruise? w: no h: nice hotel? w: no h: pretend to be homeless w: YES
@FirstDateStory: "Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"
@DaHess1: If bank website ads have taught me anything it's that white people love drinking coffee as they pay bills online in an empty loft apartment.