@Amburglar_: Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on "Pitch Perfect" then hide the remote in the dishwasher.
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@gregreckons: Grizzlies are emerging from hibernation, so hiking in groups of 3 or more is recommended. Also not being the slowest one of the group.
@DanDoofus: Everyone complains about the weather but no one ever wants to sacrifice a virgin about it.
@stuckinaportal: *wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella
@batkaren: [1st date] "I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.