@JasonLastname: Mad cow disease wears off and eventually you're just tired with a cow disease.
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@WheelTod: "Good parenting isn't giving your kid everything she needs, but giving her the tools to get it for herself" I say, handing my 6yo a crossbow
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Boss: I need you to work late. Me: [sprays her with Pepsi] B: You're fired. Me: So I don't have to work late? B: No. Me: [winks at camera]
@Love_bug1016: The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who's murder you're secretly plotting.