@JasonLastname: Mad cow disease wears off and eventually you're just tired with a cow disease.
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@Social_Mime: Wife - We're invited to a gender reveal party. Me - I always knew Ralph wanted to be a woman. W - It's for a baby Me - Ralph is pregnant?
@yoopnative: My 11 now wants to borrow clothes from my closet. Either she has great taste in clothing at an early age...or I dress like a tween.
@LMFOFL: If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
@ceejoyner: Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent's face there is no known comeback.