@Tmoney68: Made a special running playlist that's nothing but zombie moans & shuffling feet. I've lost 20 pounds & can run a 4:30 minute mile.
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@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?
@mikefossey: I'm a janitor at MIT and i see some extremely hard ass equation on the chalk board. i quickly erase it because im not being paid to do math
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *motions to me that she’s choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them
@Book_Krazy: I call bullshit on vampires that look all sexy and shit when they can't even see their reflection