@Tmoney68: Made a special running playlist that's nothing but zombie moans & shuffling feet. I've lost 20 pounds & can run a 4:30 minute mile.
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@AimeeHelene1: I'm convinced that this trip to Toronto will end with my being arrested for not being nice enough.
@Social_Mime: Wife - You ate all of the Reeses eggs? Me - You left them out in the open on the top shelf under the shirts in the back of the closet.
@Illiter8: What possible bit about trying to buy a large number of ice cream containers and two boxes of tampons says I want to chat you up, douchebag?
@Kyle_Lippert: I'm such a disaster that 9/11 and The Titanic would go out on a date together and watch a movie about me.