@olerunkbitch: Made a weird face in the mirror this morning and I looked like Ted Cruz. This is my suicide note.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Warning: the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Exister discretion is advised.
@MK_Shenanigans: I forgot FB was not Twitter & posted something ultra dirty. Now I have to avoid my granndma, change my hair color & leave the state.
@direlog: i like how at the end of old movies it says ‘the end’ so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved
@murrman5: "did you ever get married?" [wife looks around her old gym at high school reunion and sees me debating if I can touch the rim] no