@kamiekaymee: Made my mom the most beautiful Mother's Day card out of my psychiatrist bills.
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@Vice_Queen: Please stop telling me how you wish you had my curly hair. You don't know the struggle of waking up looking like Mufasa.
@noogscorner: Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No.
@TheDairylandDon: Worst part of being an idiot is always forgetting it. If I was a smart person, I'd remember I was an idiot from the start and plan around it