@Robinbuble: Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I'm tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.
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@SatansTongue: Aw look he's about to say his first words! "Say dada!" *baby opens mouth* Here it comes! *airhorn noise*
@CourtneyBale: [courtroom] Timothy: I was not involved Victor: Nor was I Lawyer: You could say it was a Vic-, Tim-less cri- Judge: You're all going to jail
@WilliamAder: Every year on Valentine's Day, I put a smile on my wife's face by taking down the Christmas tree.