@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Swishergirl24: Doctor: You have bronchitis Me: OMG I've always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?
@andreeahluscu: All I'm saying is that if M&M's poured out of a person after you stabbed them, I'd probably lose my moral compass very quickly.
@Rollinintheseat: Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell "She's right there!" every time she comes on the screen until you're escorted out of the theater.
@better_off_dad: *At the bank Robber:THIS IS A STICKUP! Me:Looks like a gun R:SHUT UP! M:Well, 'THIS IS A GUN' is way scarier Teller:He's got a point