@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
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@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@SaraMansford: A wine tasting? Where people SPIT OUT precious wine?! Sure, maybe we could go to the humane society and watch them put puppies to sleep too.
@E_Ville13: Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape.