@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
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@TheCiscoKidder: Choose your pet name wisely because you'll be yelling it out in your neighborhood if you lose them. *uses falsetto voice* MR. SMOOCHES!!
@MollySneed: [first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.
@Mish3l_Ali: Girls can be so ungrateful, I made her breakfast in bed, & instead of saying "Thank You", she's all like "How did you get into my house!"