@Breadery: Magneto spent his high school years dating girls with braces.
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@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure that my wife will truly miss me when I go on trips, right before I leave I put a few spiders in the bedroom.
@tdawks: The hurt I feel when someone leaves the bus seat next to mine for a newly empty one is almost exactly equal to my annoyance when they don't.
@SuperApple8: All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."