@amydillon: [maintains eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher]
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@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too
@Wuttercuerk: If you're a Mormon, and you have a mom, and you haven't been referring to her exclusively as Mitt Momney...then why the hell are you Mormon?