@amydillon: [maintains eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher]
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@monks_19: If I'm ever on life support, unplug me, let me sit for 15-30 secs, plug me back in and see if that works.
@brendohare: People keep coming up to me & saying "You have the right amount of hair my son." Is this normal? Does anyone else have this problem? Hello??
@1Happytwit: I don't know why they invite me to an Easter egg hunt, then freak out when I turn up in camo gear with my rifle.
@GrumpyBahr: Dr: I need a urine and stool sample. Me: *hands him my underwear* Dr:...... Me: Its all there.