@CountGripsnatch: *maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*
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@T_Bonezzz_: We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived. Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!
@jsteele3966: So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
@tastefactory: Mr. Webb, what is the greatest threat to national security? "The dinosaurs in Jurassic World, they always seem to get out"