@CountGripsnatch: *maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*
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@SlappNuttz: How in the hell do people lose their children in a mall? Seriously, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
@TheAlexNevil: Me: Aww, look at that little puppy on tv. Isn't he the cutest?! Dog: The hell, Man?? Right here!
@WheelTod: [In Club] *slides up to girl on dance floor "This is my jam" *hands her a jar "I wrote my number on the label. Text me if you want more..."