@squirrel74wkgn: *maintains eye contact with the McDonald’s employee while slowly filling my cargo shorts with free napkins*
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@jwoodham: As a white man, it's hard to deal with the fact that I have a far greater chance of becoming a serial killer than I do of becoming a rapper.
@oldmanweldon: UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for. LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay