@MariyaAlexander: Make a horror film less scary by putting old timey words in the title, i.e. The Thingamabob, Jason Goes To Heck or The Hills Have Peepers.
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@nachosarah: the only reason you should be showing me pictures of your kids is if they're missing or you want them to be
@abbycohenwl: *releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird
@Supafunkadunka: Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on.
@TheIronSherk: Working front desk at Motel 6 wasn't paying the bills so I started dealing meth to the housekeepers. It was an Inn side job.