@Kyle_Lippert: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze it's like a little party on your face.
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@bourgeoisalien: No, please continue to talk loudly on the phone, smoke & spit next to my table. No problem! I'm just going to follow you home and kill you.
@UNTRESOR: Doctors just told me I have "stripper lung" from inhaling too much brass polish & if I go back to "JIGGLERS" again I'll die.
@Yung40Ounce: *Gets pulled over by cop* "Papers?" "Scissors" *Cop removes glasses* "Rocks?" *Both start successful trap house*
@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.