@_wangwe: Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
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@Mr_Kapowski: ME: Do we have Bacon Bits? WIFE: Fridge. Why? ME: *filling pockets* No reason *dog park* PERSON: Sorry. He's normally behaved ME: No prob
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@Hormonella: "I love this song!" "This is my favorite song!" "I love this song!" "No, THIS is my favorite song!" ~ Me, listening to my own playlist
@Hurly_Burly: Psychologist: Let's play a word association game. I'll say a word, you say what springs to mind Rainbows Me: I hope my ex dies in a fire.