@_wangwe: Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
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@dorsalstream: ME: My new contacts are here! WIFE: Don't put them all on at once like you did last— ME: [eyes wide] I CAN SEE YOUR BONES
@Lisa_Laughs_: Some apples don't fall far from the tree, BUT other apples catch a good roll and keep rolling...and rolling...and rolling..