@KizerBillhelm: Make librarians cry by calling it a "Book Museum" while taking pictures with your iPad.
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@yoopnative: My 11 now wants to borrow clothes from my closet. Either she has great taste in clothing at an early age...or I dress like a tween.
@LaziestCanine: [uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you
@GoodNaps: Welcome to Ulterior Motors where our goal is to sell you a car and definitely not anything else