@DurtMcHurtt: Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they've fallen asleep on the train.
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@chickenmclovin: Twilight drinking game rules: 1) drink 40 shots when you press play so you can die before the movie starts.
@SteveSuckington: [GOP Debate] MODERATOR: this question is for Senator Cruz. How will you handle zodiackillersayswhat? CRUZ: what? MODERATOR: I knew it!
@bobvulfov: [cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer
@NYC_Blonde: If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.