@DurtMcHurtt: Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they've fallen asleep on the train.
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@rad_milk: i replaced babies in these pictures with hotdogs to show america what really matters
@TragicAllyHere: My Kid: Are dinosaurs real? Me: yes but they died Kid: why did you kill them? M: I didn't! Kid: did you forget to water them like our plants
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god