@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
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@Pee_And_Giggles: 19: Help me think of a tweet. Me: I'm sorry for the never-ending selfies, duck lip poses, & whining about how hard my life is. 19: Maaaaa!
@sammyrhodes: I love donuts so much I want to marry them. But then I'm afraid I would eat all our donut hole children.
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you last month? Me: The package said "Take on an empty stomach" so, not yet.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently "cool story, bro" is not an acceptable substitute for "congratulations" when your friend calls and tells you she's pregnant.