@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
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@simoncholland: A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.
@nathandeschaine: Jurassic Park (1993): An old man with ungodly amounts of money doesn't have any common sense.
@BlindChow: "Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? "Listen!" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN
@ThisOneSayz: Unless you have stellar reflexes, throwing a bouncy ball at your spouse during an argument is not the best choice.