@KoKeniSasquatch: Make sure to tip your waitress. It's pretty funny when they fall over.
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@mortimermaiden: The soft snowflakes swirling in the night sky remind me of the time mom had too much gin and threw a roast duck at dad for taking her youth.
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives
@ch000ch: i've grown my mustache down over my mouth and all the other ventriloquists here are wondering why they never thought of that before