@theshamingofjay: Make sure you finish all of your math homework, there are dumb kids in America who can't add - parents in China, probably
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@HavocMantis: *repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him* I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.
@LifeUnPinterest: HIM: Why is this sticky? ME: Remember that crazy sex we had? I got pregnant and now we have a 2YO contaminating the entire place with filth
@BuckyIsotope: *stranded on island* *puts message in bottle and throws it into sea* *years later gets message back* what's updog? *fist pump*
@LaceyNycole: Girl: I can't wait to have kids! I babysit so I pretty much know what it's like to be a parent. It'll be easy. Me: *laughs for 20 minutes*