@agenteo: Make your daily standup meeting shorter
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@HeSlimedMeRay: My son just complained about how far the guy in his video game has to walk. We take our lazy seriously around here.
@danozzi: When brands use cool words like "bae" on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products.
@abhorrent_wife: I don't always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic.
@LuckoftheDraw86: "You can't stand there." "Not there, either." "Nope that spot's taken, too." -Ground hogs