@agenteo: Make your daily standup meeting shorter
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@citizenkawala: Donald Trump has all the resources to be Batman. Instead, he chooses to be Donald Trump.
@Coolisiana: (Job interview) "How would you describe yourself?" I'm very vague "Ok, can you be more specific?" No
@OutOfLeftField_: I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
@loribuckmajor: Sometimes when my family is especially ungrateful, I don't wash the vegetables when I make their salads.