@robfee: Make your employees work 8x faster by constantly playing that music from Sonic the Hedgehog when you've been under water for too long.
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@MrJeremyHorn: So apparently I've been Googling 'Asian Prom' this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren't going to bang.
@SamGrittner: Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain.
@TheMichaelRock: Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
@Shelts99: All women want to be swept off their feet, until you push them into the sea. Dating is hard!