@WheelTod: Make your own bacon by tricking a pig into running headlong through a harp.
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@mstluvstrinkets: The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria's Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went.
@_Tempo11: Told my dog it's too cold to go for a walk and he just saw one from the window and now I'm a liar.
@Death_Buddy: Hey, did you say that your dog likes to 'exercise' or 'exorcise'? [dog is already throwing holy water around the house]