@HanaMichels: #MakeAFilmUncomfortable The Godfather - With Benefits
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@HomeProbably: The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas.
@parkersJoking: If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it's best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad
@DaddyJew: Coworker: people around the office think you're too controlling Me: what's that? Coworker: oh, sorry *raises hand*
@heykarlin: I feel bad for the children of Vegans because no one gets found when their picture's on the back of unsweetened organic almond milk.