@UnluckyBrian: Makes eye contact with female. Medusa.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*
@DBMaxP: Look... don't end your presentation with "Are there any questions?" & then get all pissy when I ask if you can ride a unicycle.
@Underchilde: My neighbor said the next time he comes over he’s bringing the whole family, so I told him I couldn’t wait and then I burned my house down.