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@UnluckyBrian: Makes eye contact with female. Medusa.
@CocaineSoWhlte: Cocaine so white it looks around the room before saying "nigga"
@TheCiscoKidder: Me: It'll just make mom grumpy, so don't tell her that the dishwa.....
4 year old: MOM! DISHWASHER'S BROKEN!
@Jack9eight5: As a pot smoking narcissist, my life is all smoke and mirrors
@Donna_McCoy: Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can't have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced.
@rickygervais: It seems to be true, particularly in middle America, that those most militant about using up fossil fuels, don't actually believe in fossils