@iamspacegirl: *makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*
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@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@AnOrangeSNES: ME: Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bad tweet NARRATOR: And he was ME: I see you NARRATOR: He could see me ME: Stop NARRATOR: I did not stop
@TheIronSherk: If my ex had an autobiography it would be called "Mein Cramps" What, did you NOT SEE that one coming?