@iamspacegirl: *makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*
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@iwearaonesie: wife [on phone] Did you preheat the oven like I asked? me: Yep wife: What temperature? me: 534 wife: That's the clock me wife me: 535
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Did you just put your fingers in my drink? 5yo: I don't have poison on my fingers! Me: But why did you....wait, what?
@RobDenBleyker: Life advice: If someone ever tells you "I'll be there in thirty minutes", you should ALWAYS respond with "You've got twenty" and hang up.