@BackrowSeats: "Just how drunk are you?" - "French toast"

@KentWGraham: After Jaws, I wouldn’t go in water. After the Godfather, I wouldn’t eat at Italian restaurants. I wish I’d seen the Omen before having kids.

@kenradio: No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..

@salamingia: I feel bad for airport security workers. I'm going to make their job easier today by not wearing underwear.

@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.