@LeahTiscione: *makes snow angel motions in bed every morning tryna find phone*
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@upsidedowntrash: After a long journey Frodo and Sam arrive to return the One Ring to the fires of Mt. Doom Frodo: Dude dont be mad, but I forgot the receipt
@ChaseMit: "We're not so different, you and I," Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.
@ambamthankyamam: Apparently my hub is a 92 yr old trapped in a younger body. He just referred to you guys as my Pinstagram friends.
@BoogTweets: Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"