@LeahTiscione: *makes snow angel motions in bed every morning tryna find phone*
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@runawaycupcake: The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard: I'm so sorry your grandma died? I love you?
@Cravin4: Son:Dad's trick or treating as a ghost in a bed sheet? Wife:& heels,eye patch & his hand stuck in a Nutella jar. More like a ghost on ambien
@De_ja_vu_who: Deathbed confession Me: We're bankrupt Him: What? How? Me: I lied about being able to fold fitted sheets. I bought new ones every time
@1Happytwit: A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short - now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.