@dumbbeezie: *makes Transformer sound effects while I put my makeup on*
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@moose_chocolate: Some might say I peed my pants. I like to say I voided my bladder into my trousers like the classy refined gentleman that I am. #bt140
@thatUPSdude: For Halloween I put a empty bowl outside my door with a sign that says "please take one" That way it looks like I actually had candy once
@ehdannyboy: ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or
@ChaseMit: Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop.