@iamspacegirl: "Makin all the ladies drop they panties" I brag, pulling the fire alarm at Victoria's Secret.
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@thatUPSdude: 50 Cent has filed for bankruptcy, he will now be known as 50. Story is he doesn't have a cent to his name. *drops the mic walks away*
@iwearaonesie: dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says "Craftsman" dad: me: Are you crying?
@tastefactory: "My husband's a talented voice actor & his brother's a makeup artist but nah this old lady is a different person" -the mom in Mrs. Doubtfire