@AaronFullerton: Making a list of all the people who wrote "Happy Birthday" on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who's secretly mad at me.
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@BillFienberg: Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Me: I want a gf thats not crazy. Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon.
@ArfMeasures: [customs] "Passport?" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it
@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends* Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon. Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons? Me: You heard me.