@AaronFullerton: Making a list of all the people who wrote "Happy Birthday" on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who's secretly mad at me.
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@EndhooS: Yelling "PARKOUR" whenever your toddler falls over is an easy way to make him look like a cool free runner rather than a clumsy little idiot
@MooseAllain: My friend's organising a football match and asked if I'd like to make up the numbers. I suggested squix hundring and nankety noof.
@BromanConsul: GOD: hey my son is broken, he won't absolve the sins of mankind IT GUY: try turning him off, waiting 3 days, then turning him back on again